I promised myself I wouldn't get sad today, and I was doing really well since I was so busy traveling for work. I woke up, rushed to SFO, connected to another flight in Dallas, and practically collapsed by the time I made it to my hotel here in NYC. There has been no time to get sad today, but the same lingering thought that occupied my mind twelve hours and 2,905 miles ago is stronger than ever: Today is Mother's Day.
Although I've made it across the country, I can't escape the fact that it's Mother's Day. It's all over Instagram, Facebook, Wordpress, the streets, television, etc. All of my friends are having brunch or dinner with their moms. All the moms are getting sweet little hand drawn cards from their kids. Everyone is just so happy and cute with their mom, and I'm just here... trying to listen to you listening to me.
I know you're out there or up there somewhere watching over me and my brothers and sister. And I know sometimes, if I try really, really hard or if I'm quiet enough and close my eyes I can feel you. I can smell your perfume. I can hear your laugh. I can feel you loving me.
And I'm not mad at all those girls being happy with their moms, I envy them because it hurts. I miss you. I needed more time with you. I need more time. I'm sorry for all the times I made you angry and made things difficult for you. I'm sorry for any time you felt unloved or alone because we always loved you, but we were so young. I wish you never had to feel the pain from your cancer or that you had to lose your hair or your breast. I wish it could have been me to fight your illness instead of you.
I know it's getting late, and you might be sleeping now because I definitely should, but if you can hear me I just want you to know how thankful I am that you're my mother. Your beauty emanates from the kindness in your soul and the strength of your heart. I hope I grow up and become just like you. I'm incredibly proud and blessed to be your daughter.